a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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