He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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