So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
