omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
