Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
