Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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