So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I need moral support for this bender
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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