1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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