Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
