My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
