Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
