I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
