marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
