I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
