She said her name was "party"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
