My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
