Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
