i wish starbucks made bloody marys
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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