Bisexual people are plain selfish.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
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