I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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