I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Randomize
