What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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