Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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