Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
