His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
