Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
