You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
