some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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