well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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