How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
