He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
