no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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