I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
