i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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