What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
