my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I think your dad took our porno
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
