Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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