I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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