He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
