I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
