You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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