I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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