I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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