marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
