Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
