We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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