he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
