the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
