Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Vodka?
Forever.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
