Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
